Not all grief comes from death

Not all grief begins with death.

Sometimes we have to grieve projects that never happened, friendships that were lost, dreams that were dreamed but never lived. Often, we are grieving our expectations.

In truth, the foundation of most grief is this:

grieving what we imagined for our lives and what never came to be. Even when someone dies, grief isn’t only about the person; it’s also about everything we still dreamed of living with them.

It’s the grief of what we used to have, or thought we would have, and no longer do.

And sometimes, grieving someone who is still alive can be even harder than grieving someone who has passed away.

I’m saying this to remind you of something essential:

give yourself time.

Don’t pressure yourself.

A dream didn’t come true, and you think you have to move on quickly because “you never really had it.” No. Give yourself time. Allow yourself to grieve.

There was a conflict. Someone left your life. And you think you have to be bigger than that, that the person doesn’t deserve your time or your feelings. Maybe they don’t, but you do.

Give yourself time.

Allow yourself to feel everything that needs to be felt. Allow yourself to go through the process. Allow yourself to grieve so you can be free from the pain.

Because, at its core, grief is this:

it is feeling.

Feeling all the way through.

Until the very last drop.

Until the day you feel lighter.

That doesn’t mean the theme will never be activated again in the future. It doesn’t mean the wound will never be felt again. But it will come from a different place, from someone who has completed the grieving process and is simply revisiting parts of their story.

So, once again:

give yourself time.

And don’t be hard on yourself.