Walking with Fear

I have always had many fears.

I remember, for example, being in the 11th and 12th grades thinking about what I would do in university. Psychology was a real possibility for me. But, when I reached the 12th grade, I realized that, to follow that path, I would have to attend a class with another group that was not mine.

And, at that moment, I completely discarded that option.

The fear of the unknown, of other people, of what was unfamiliar, was greater. And, because of that, I took that option off the table.

Today I look at that with calmness. I understand why it did (or did not) become part of my path and I have no regrets. But I recognize that it was a moment when fear paralyzed me.

And, at the same time, there were completely different moments.

When I went on Erasmus, I was also full of fear.

It was, essentially, the same type of fear (the unknown, the new) but on an even greater scale. It was not just a different class. It was an entire country. People, language, university, everything unknown. I went alone, without knowing absolutely anyone.

And, even so, I went.

I remember well the inner work I did in the months before going. Conversations with myself, almost like a commitment: you are not going to stay closed off, you are going to talk to people, you are going to invite, you are going to participate.

And that is exactly what I did.

Those six months were among the most incredible of my life. They brought a huge internal transformation. It was a turning point, from someone more withdrawn to someone who began to take up more space.

Not that the path ended there. I continued to expand over time and with other experiences. But that moment marked a deep change.

And this shows me something important: fear does not always decide.

There were moments when it paralyzed me.

And there were many others when I went with it.

In fact, looking back, I can remember more times when I went with fear than the times when I did not go.

But the times when I did not go were also important. They showed me what I could lose by staying still.

And that helps me look at fear in a different way.

It made my relationship with fear change. I stopped fighting it.

I stopped seeing it as a problem or as something that needed to be eliminated.

I understand that it is part of me.

Fear is an emotion like any other. It arises, it shows itself, it has its role. Often, it is just a warning signal, something that asks for attention, care, presence.

And I can listen to it… without automatically obeying it.

Because fear is not a guide, nor a rule.

It is a signal.

And I choose what to do with it.

I will not say that I love it when it appears, that is not it. Maybe one day I will get there, maybe not. But I am no longer at war with it.

We stand side by side, like partners.

And, even when it appears… I keep walking.