What Others Say About You… Isn’t Really About You

What if what other people say about you isn’t actually about you?

Have you ever thought about that?

So often, we feel hurt, wounded, or even offended by the things people say. We believe they are trying to criticize us, control us, or diminish us. But most of the time, what they say reveals far more about them than about us.

The way someone sees you belongs to them. It is shaped by their beliefs, experiences, values, and unresolved wounds. Many comments are not objective truths — they are projections.

For example:

If someone tells you that you should work more, it’s likely that this person believes work is extremely important, perhaps even central to their sense of worth. That doesn’t mean you have to see life the same way.

Or if someone says you should fix your hair, lose weight, or change your appearance, it may reflect how focused they are on image and their own self-esteem struggles. It doesn’t automatically mean that something is wrong with you or that you need to change.

People often make comments as if they were creating documentaries — attempts to fit you into their own box, their limited way of seeing the world and themselves. In that sense, it’s not about you.

You don’t have to let these behaviors, attitudes, or words control you or hurt you so deeply. At the very least, you don’t have to personalize them.

Now, here’s the important part:

What you feel in response to what is said — that belongs to you.

Where did it hit you?

Which wound did it touch?

Where did it hurt?

If someone comments on your appearance and it hurts, it may be activating a wound related to self-esteem. That doesn’t mean you need to change your body, your face, or who you are. It simply means there’s a wound asking to be seen.

And that wound can be acknowledged, explored, and healed. Little by little, you can free yourself from that pain and stop reacting so strongly to other people’s opinions.

There are many ways to do this inner work.

If you’d like to find out how, write to me.